I have a confession to make, I'm not always as honest about how much pain I'm in to myself or my training log. Deep down, I knew this time was different and despite my best hopes, was relatively resigned to the fact that I was going to be out for an extended period of time.
Today, I was officially diagnosed with a stress fracture of my lower left tibia just above the ankle. The MRI shows considerable "activity" right around the area I have been experiencing pain. It did not take the doctor very long to make that determination. In 13 years of running, I have never suffered a major injury before this month. Since my return to running in July of 2007, this period will be my longest time away from running.
Even though I knew, to finally hear it and have real evidence was still a tough pill to swallow. I had the appointment at 11am and the rest of the day was just a blur. After having a little time to think things through, I've realized what has me so upset. It isn't so much the injury itself, it isn't the fact that I can't run, or the fact that I will lose some running ability. It's really the fact that after waiting 1.5 years to run Boston that I will have to wait at least another year. 2.5 years at least to me is a long time.
I have to keep things in perspective: I'm still a very healthy and in shape individual, I can still be a productive member of society, my tibia isn't broken, and I can still exercise. With that said though, I love running, it has become such a central part of me. To ask on any given day if I had ran was a ridiculous question because the answer was always yes. Now I have to deal with getting healthy, then getting back into it, then building back up, and it's just so frustrating.
What have I learned from all this? Well, most of it is good.
1. I now know how much I can handle and how much is too much. That was an open-ended question and I was going to keep pushing the envelope until I had no more time or got hurt. At least now I have some real basis for my training mileage.
2. I have a really, really high tolerance for pain. I know exactly when my tibia took a turn for the worst, and had assumed that it was only a reaction, because there is no way I could have done what I did on it. However, I now know for a fact that I did 4 miles worth of speedwork in a ladder session, a 21 mile long run, a 1:16:13 half marathon, 32 miles over the next 3 days, and then after a few days off, a 16:27 5K. During those races, I completely zoned out the pain. I did all of that on a stress fracture...
3. I'm a really big idiot that should be counting his blessings. There was a very real possibility I could have broken my tibia if I continued to run on it. Truth be told, I was probably extremely close to doing that. The pain was truly unbearable in the days I took off before the Shamrock 5K. I knew the 5K was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. At any point, my leg could have given out, and my running life would have been in significant jeopardy.
My doctor told me that if I ignored him and continued to run, I had about a 70% chance of breaking my tibia based on the MRI. I never did tell him how much running I did on it when it was hurting bad, but I can guarantee you that I was maybe a few days away from a break. On my final 5 mile run, I limped the entire time and running faster did not dull the pain as it had before. When I was at my furthest point from home base on that run, I was worried something would happen to me and I wouldn't be able to even walk back. The worst part of it all is I still went and tried to run in the evening, but only made it two blocks before realizing that was it.
However, that pain, that limping, that struggle, and the true dread of taking a stride is forever burned into my mind. Knowing the difference between pain and injury is still a fine art, but I have a pretty good idea of the difference now...
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